Snowpiercer

 

This movie was a complete and utter disaster. From the plotline all the way down to the ending, Snowpiercer is a fiasco on all fronts. The movie takes place primarily on a moving train. The world is frozen over and humanity’s last hope is a self-sustaining invincible train that houses around a thousand people. The front of the train houses the rich while the tail end houses the poor.

The train travels across the world. Literally bridges are built across the water connecting to the other continents. What I don’t understand is if you built this impervious train that can withstand the frozen wasteland…..why just build a building that does the same thing? But that’s the least of this movie’s many faults.

The movie starts off in a prison break style. Curtis, the leader of this rebellion, gathers the tail end passengers to take the front of the train. This was actually interesting. Curtis had to plan out how to get through the heavily armored guards and giant metal doors.

Eventually this movie turns into a videogame-esk, in the sense that Curtis and his people fight wave after wave of enemies. Because since it’s a train, thus it is a direct path from point A to point B. In one scene the rebellion opens a door and an army of ax wielding fishermen all dressed in black are just there waiting for them.

After a medieval style battle, the train goes into a long tunnel, but thankfully the fishermen have their handy night vision goggles ready to be used at a moment’s notice. Somehow Curtis isn’t killed in this scene even though he is in the front line and the fishermen are just chopping through the rebellion. But Curtis luckily is able to shout to the other end (literally the other end of the train) to a boy who has the last pack of matches in existence to lite a series of torches to combat the night vision wearing fishermen. This scene could’ve been easily corrected by simply letting Curtis have the matches in his pocket and he lights the rags on fire.

Then it’s just train car after train car of gauntlet style choices and fight sequences. You see schools, an aquarium, dance clubs, saunas, until eventually reaching the front of the train to meet the conductor, a man named Wilford.

I don’t know what the plan was at this point. Was it to overthrown Wilford, was Curtis supposed to take over and then what? It’s a self-sustaining train on an endless loop around the world. There isn’t much need for a regime change. From the looks of it, the poor are…well poor, and the rich are richer obviously.

Was the plan to stop the train and venture out? Maybe get some more resources in a destroyed city. That would be my plan. Actually, my plan would be to have made a building and not a train. I know it’s an invincible train, but you are going on frozen tracks, sometimes high above the ocean. Sometimes the train has to barrel through ice pillars on the tracks.

And how does, arguably the worst movie of the year, end you ask? Remember, the world is frozen over. Most of the human race is destroyed. So humanities best hope to go on resides in this train. They blow up the @#$%ing train.

I don’t think a rating is necessary for this movie. I would’ve give it a 1 on action and the first 10 minutes of the movie. The planning was pretty cool, but when you learn the plan of Wilford…its just a disaster.

Joe Reyes

 

 

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