This Wasn’t Christmas

Today didn’t feel like Christmas. I don’t know what it as exactly, but something was off. The buildup wasn’t there. Maybe because I didn’t want anything and my parents gave me my gift early. We didn’t have a tree on account of my cat. It would be a tossup of how she would kill herself first: hanging herself on the lights or getting electrocuted.

Maybe it was the weather. There was 0 snow on the ground. Christmas Eve was like 50 something degrees out. I like a white Christmas. No, it’s not cliché to want snow. And you can bitch about how cold it is and how hard it is to travel in the snow, but waking up to snow covered trees outside and pegging the first old person you see with a snowball sounds like Christmas to me.

All the radio stations had recycled Christmas songs done by the new Disney Stars of today. That skank Miley Cyrus twerked her way into a holiday album that has been done time after time. Even the Salvation Army seemed to not be in the holiday spirit. I saw one member by the Shoprite ringing a bell for donations. He want even smiling. He was just sprawled across a wood pile staring at the ground. I doubt the money even went somewhere. Probably just buy crack with it. Since he was white it’s not racist to say.

Christmas day consisted of a family ride up to Staten Island to see my family. I looked out the window and saw trees with leaves on them. Maybe that tool Al Sharpton was right about the world getting hotter…or was it Al Gore? Either way it didn’t make any sense outside.

We passed a white cross on the side of the road. Probably some kid cut down in the prime of his youth to an accident…lucky bastard. The sky was bright blue and beautiful. It looked more like the opening to the Simpson’s rather than Christmas in New Jersey.

On the plus side we cut down on the holiday cards in my house. What’s the point of them anyway? To let me know that you survived another year? And if I didn’t get a card would I even worry? If I have to be reminded every year of your existence then you don’t really matter that much to me. I only sent out about 7 “Merry Christmas” texts. No reason for my whole family to send 3 separate messages to the same person with “Merry Christmas!!!”

My uncle’s fence said it all. He had a “Beware Dog” sign on it, but there was a Christmas wreath covering the “Dog” part. So I read it as “Beware Christmas”. Maybe I wanted more this year. Maybe I just wanted to feel some holiday cheer. Maybe I just didn’t get into the spirit. Or maybe it’s a tumor and luckily I won’t have to endure this crap next year.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Joe Reyes

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