Interstellar: The Worst Movie of the Decade

 

Yes, you read that correctly. A blockbuster hit that won awards and has been nominated for 5 Oscars, I think is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. This movie was incredibly boring, outrageously long and confusing to the point where I had to research message boards to find out what was going on. Also, the music was entirely too loud. It might’ve been the theater I was at (I doubt it), but the music was so loud it drowned out some of the key dialogue.

When I saw the trailer, I figured it was going to be a bad movie. Because from what I gathered, the movie was about the Earth becoming uninhabitable and Matthew McConaughey going to other planets to find one that can sustain life for humans to travel to. This isn’t a plotline that looks to be filled with many twists and turns. Just seems like McConaughey would go to planet 1 and say “Eh” and go to planet 2 and see how it is.

McConaughey plays Cooper, a former pilot who eventually becomes the savior of the world…sorta. I was surprised that McConaughey wasn’t the writer on this movie, because it seems that Cooper could not die even though there were many times for it to happen.

The human race is dying of starvation I think. Giant sandstorms wipe away crop fields and causing people to suffocate. The only hope is to find another place for humans to live. Luckily, a wormhole has appeared in our solar system put by….aliens they think. The aliens must’ve known that Earth was in trouble and created a wormhole to another galaxy with habitable worlds.

There is a lot going on in this movie. I haven’t even gotten to the backstory of Cooper and his family. Cooper is a farmer now, who lives with his father in law, son Tom and daughter Murph. Yes, Murph, because that’s a girl’s name somehow.

Murph thinks there is a ghost in the house. In her room there is a giant bookshelf, and books seem to fall randomly. Murph decides to write these occurrences. Somehow Murph ends up connecting the dropping of books into Binary and Morse code. Really? Are we just going to pretend that makes sense?

Cooper indulges Murph’s crazy theory and puts the code as coordinates on a map and follows it to a secret military base. Cooper and Murph are captured by robots, tough talking Lincoln Log looking robots.

Skipping ahead, because this review isn’t even half way through. Scientist Professor Brand has discovered the wormhole with a bunch of other scientist and have already been sending exploration groups through and are sending another team consisting of Professors Brand’s daughter Brand….yes Brand is her name, random black guy and another scientist. Cooper is sent along as well. Because apparently they want him to pilot the craft because they are in desperate need and here Cooper randomly is.

Murph cries and tries to convince Cooper to stay. She even says the Morse code spells out STAY, but Cooper leaves anyway. The team goes into cryo sleep and go through the wormhole and land on another planet.

The problem is the time this mission takes. They don’t want to be gone too long because the world is dying, apparently, so taking forever isn’t a good idea. On approaching the planets, the time increases for the amount of time on Earth. 1 hour on the planet amounts to 7 years on Earth. So there is a rush to this mission.

I don’t want to spoil the ending or the 1 twist to it in the middle too much. This movie is about a Temporal Causality Loop. Family Guy had it in an episode. Stewie created the universe and Brian questioned how Stewie could create the universe if he was born in it. Stewie explained it like this “The universe created me so I can create it so it can create me and so on”. That is this movie in a nut shell. Something happens, beyond logical reasoning and TCL is the answer to it.

This movie was awful on all fronts. Worst of all, the ending was “apparently” a tear jerker. I was watching the ending and heard a sniff a few seats over. I see a woman in tears. I turn to tell my girlfriend of the phenomenon and saw another person crying. The whole theater except me was having an emotional reaction to the scene! To quote Lou Costello “Why? I don’t know”.

I give this a 0/5. It was just a disaster in every scene. Nothing made sense and it was just so long. I’ve seen long movies without a ton of action and still thought it was good. But this movie had no redeeming qualities to it. The biggest gasp moment for me was finding out Matt Damon was in the movie.

I do give the movie a smidge of credit. They had a line that was so hysterical that I literally laughed out loud. I highlighted it for you.

Cooper: Dr. Mann there’s a 50/50 chance your gonna kill yourself.

Dr. Mann: Those are the best odds I’ve had in years.

Joe Reyes

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Diary of the Invader

They say you don’t dream when you’re in cryostasis, but when I woke up I wished I was still dreaming. The pod took a few minute to open. They wanted your eyes to adjust before the bright lights blinded you. Nothing was more important to a soldier than his eyes. Soldier….more like murders. This isn’t war, this was extermination.

“It has to be done” is what our commander kept telling us in the briefing. He made it sound like we didn’t have a choice, but we did. We could’ve combed the galaxy looking for a desolate planet that wasn’t really inhabited. We chose Earth because it was just like Temen. It had the same air, we drank water like them and the changing seasons led to different foods being grown.

So it’s not personal. We aren’t a war driven race whose only goal is proving that we are the toughest in the galaxy. I like to think we evolved above that. When they showed the first pictures of the invasion, our people cheered in the streets. Not me though, all I saw were thousands killed in the blink of an eye. They never stood a chance. We came one day and just started shooting. I don’t think there were any negotiations or any peace talks.

All I thought about was my family. As soon as we had a child I was called into service. “It has to be done” my commander told me again. It was like his catch phrase. Every question I had was answered with that same phrase. I’ve been in cryo for about 1 year. Who knows what I missed? Before we found Earth, we were living in space stations. We literally watched our planet tear to pieces before our eyes.

I felt sick, not because of reminiscing in the past, but physically sick. Before being put under, we were injected with most of the sicknesses the humans possessed. The idea was that the years in cryo would build up our immune system and cure us of the diseases. 5 years is long enough for our bodies to build up immunity to the illnesses. I guess I had some lingering effects from a cold.

“Opening pods!” the technician shouted.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I tried to recite the battle plans again, but for some reason couldn’t. I was a little nervous, probably because this wasn’t something I wanted to do. Again the words of my commander rang in my head, “It has to be done”.

“It’s us or them” I kept telling myself as I heard the nearby pods open up. I knew the best thing to do was do my job quickly, so the inhabitants won’t suffer long. I heard the mechanisms in my pod move and the door opened. A bright light shined in my eyes. I looked around and saw thousand like me emerge from their pods. I sighed again. It’s going to be a short war.

Joe Reyes

This was just a simple short story I came up with.

Oblivion….Why?

I started writing the review in my head about halfway through the movie. I was going to say things like “If you had to see one movie this year, let it be this one” and “Oscars well deserved all around”, but little did I know this movie would take a chaotic dive-bomb in the world of terrible movies.

Oblivion started off incredibly great. The world they created was beautiful even though it was a destroyed Earth. Tom Cruise didn’t disappoint even though this was a disappointing movie. It’s one of those movies that could’ve been so great, but just ended horribly.

Tom Cruise plays Jack Harper, a man part of a two man team that is responsible for maintaining drones that protect key fixtures on the planet. Earth has been decimated by an alien invasion and the planet is mostly dead. Some parts are inaccessible due to the radiation fallout from when we fought back.

The drones Jack maintains protect these giant structures that suck the water out of our oceans. People did survive and are living on the moon of Titan. The water is being stored in these structures and will be transported there when they are filled. The aliens are called Scavs and we never see them. They are the few remaining after the war and are blowing up the structures.

The plot takes an incredible turn for the worse when a pod lands on Earth filled with humans. One of them has a woman named Julia in it who instantly recognizes Jack. Apparently these two met before and when Jack sleeps he has random dreams with her in it.

I will spoil the movie now so if you plan on watching it then NOW is the time to stop reading.

Julia is Jack’s wife somehow. Jack has no memory of her because when he took the job his memory was wiped. Julia has been in a pod for 60 years in a stasis. Jack is not old, so how are they married you ask? Simple, he is not Jack. Well technically he is, but Jack is a clone, part of a series of many clones that were created to do the duties of drone maintenance.

The aliens aren’t aliens, they are people. Since we never see them how could we know? We didn’t win the war. We lost and the Earthlings took to the underground. The aliens or alien is a big triangle up in space where Jack was lied to and told that was Mission Control.

Jack was an astronaut and was captured by the triangle. After Earth destroyed itself they needed people to maintain the drones so they cloned Jack. Hundreds of Jacks were cloned and sent to different areas unbenounced to them. Why then would an alien ROBOT need our water? If they were actual aliens then I could see that, but this wasn’t the case. This was a robot….1 robot.

This movie started off incredible, but the second half was beyond disappointing. I give it a 2/5. I would’ve gone lower, but this movie had small moments where it redeemed itself and the first half was great. The first half alone would get a 4/5, but the rest of the movie brought it down.

Joe Reyes