Interstellar: The Worst Movie of the Decade

 

Yes, you read that correctly. A blockbuster hit that won awards and has been nominated for 5 Oscars, I think is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. This movie was incredibly boring, outrageously long and confusing to the point where I had to research message boards to find out what was going on. Also, the music was entirely too loud. It might’ve been the theater I was at (I doubt it), but the music was so loud it drowned out some of the key dialogue.

When I saw the trailer, I figured it was going to be a bad movie. Because from what I gathered, the movie was about the Earth becoming uninhabitable and Matthew McConaughey going to other planets to find one that can sustain life for humans to travel to. This isn’t a plotline that looks to be filled with many twists and turns. Just seems like McConaughey would go to planet 1 and say “Eh” and go to planet 2 and see how it is.

McConaughey plays Cooper, a former pilot who eventually becomes the savior of the world…sorta. I was surprised that McConaughey wasn’t the writer on this movie, because it seems that Cooper could not die even though there were many times for it to happen.

The human race is dying of starvation I think. Giant sandstorms wipe away crop fields and causing people to suffocate. The only hope is to find another place for humans to live. Luckily, a wormhole has appeared in our solar system put by….aliens they think. The aliens must’ve known that Earth was in trouble and created a wormhole to another galaxy with habitable worlds.

There is a lot going on in this movie. I haven’t even gotten to the backstory of Cooper and his family. Cooper is a farmer now, who lives with his father in law, son Tom and daughter Murph. Yes, Murph, because that’s a girl’s name somehow.

Murph thinks there is a ghost in the house. In her room there is a giant bookshelf, and books seem to fall randomly. Murph decides to write these occurrences. Somehow Murph ends up connecting the dropping of books into Binary and Morse code. Really? Are we just going to pretend that makes sense?

Cooper indulges Murph’s crazy theory and puts the code as coordinates on a map and follows it to a secret military base. Cooper and Murph are captured by robots, tough talking Lincoln Log looking robots.

Skipping ahead, because this review isn’t even half way through. Scientist Professor Brand has discovered the wormhole with a bunch of other scientist and have already been sending exploration groups through and are sending another team consisting of Professors Brand’s daughter Brand….yes Brand is her name, random black guy and another scientist. Cooper is sent along as well. Because apparently they want him to pilot the craft because they are in desperate need and here Cooper randomly is.

Murph cries and tries to convince Cooper to stay. She even says the Morse code spells out STAY, but Cooper leaves anyway. The team goes into cryo sleep and go through the wormhole and land on another planet.

The problem is the time this mission takes. They don’t want to be gone too long because the world is dying, apparently, so taking forever isn’t a good idea. On approaching the planets, the time increases for the amount of time on Earth. 1 hour on the planet amounts to 7 years on Earth. So there is a rush to this mission.

I don’t want to spoil the ending or the 1 twist to it in the middle too much. This movie is about a Temporal Causality Loop. Family Guy had it in an episode. Stewie created the universe and Brian questioned how Stewie could create the universe if he was born in it. Stewie explained it like this “The universe created me so I can create it so it can create me and so on”. That is this movie in a nut shell. Something happens, beyond logical reasoning and TCL is the answer to it.

This movie was awful on all fronts. Worst of all, the ending was “apparently” a tear jerker. I was watching the ending and heard a sniff a few seats over. I see a woman in tears. I turn to tell my girlfriend of the phenomenon and saw another person crying. The whole theater except me was having an emotional reaction to the scene! To quote Lou Costello “Why? I don’t know”.

I give this a 0/5. It was just a disaster in every scene. Nothing made sense and it was just so long. I’ve seen long movies without a ton of action and still thought it was good. But this movie had no redeeming qualities to it. The biggest gasp moment for me was finding out Matt Damon was in the movie.

I do give the movie a smidge of credit. They had a line that was so hysterical that I literally laughed out loud. I highlighted it for you.

Cooper: Dr. Mann there’s a 50/50 chance your gonna kill yourself.

Dr. Mann: Those are the best odds I’ve had in years.

Joe Reyes

$100 Million Dollar Contracts

In the NFL they seem to give $100 million dollar contracts to anyone who has a good season. These contracts should be reserved for players that are Quarterbacks only. Mainly because they impact the game in ways far greater than any other position on the field.

JJ Watt is having a Defensive Player of the Year season, but look at the records for the Texans. Trade Watt and Andrew Luck and see which team goes to the playoffs. Luck has a bad roster around him. B- receivers, C running game, worst offensive line in the league and an OK defense at best…..playoff team.

The Texans have a Pro Bowl wide out in Andre Johnson, Pro Bowl running back in Arian Foster, a bevy of pretty good defensive players….they won’t make the playoffs. There is a huge drop off from Watt and the next best defensive player. Watt is a huge contributor on defense, but this is a quarterback dominated league and without a good one, let alone a decent one, you can’t make the playoffs.

Now the biggest problem teams have is in the rebuilding phase. The average fan can see a quarterbacks ceiling. Andy Dalton is average, at best, but still got a $100+ million dollar contract. Is he deserving of that contract…..#$#% NO!

BUT you gotta look at it like this. Do you start over OR try to build around him and hope he doesn’t #$#% up. So the Bengals were trapped in a situation of “pay the man” or “start over”. And the Bengals are just good enough to screw themselves out of a good quarterback draft pick.

Unless you have an impact guy…..then move the #@$% on. That simple. Now not to discredit Watt, he is a hell of a player, but a defensive player isn’t going to get the Texans into the playoffs.

You don’t need a max guy to win it all. That’s one of the main problems with professional sports today. Teams and fans think you need max contract guy to win it all. In salary cap leagues, you cannot….CAN-@$%#ING NOT overpay for a guy who won’t win it all for you.

Dez Bryant wants a big payoff this upcoming off season. Would you sink $80 million into a guy who can’t impact that game unless the quarterback is giving him the ball? Larry Fitzgerald screwed himself with a $100 million dollar 7 year contract.

The Texans are one quarterback with an above average IQ and arm away from making it to the Super Bowl. Watt is playing his absolute hardest and they are just barely surviving in this league. Without him nobody cares about the Texans, but with him they are less than nothing. They are nothing now, but would be less than nothing if they lost Watt.

Smart players take less to build around themselves and their team. Salary cap leagues are meant for teams to go 8-8. Same money to spread around, better draft picks to losing teams are two key reasons.

Texans need a quarterback, plain and simple. They don’t need a $100 million dollar defensive end who you can double team and add some extra blockers to deter him who most importantly take a big chunk out of the salary cap.

Joe Reyes

I’m Sorry That It’s Not My Fault

“I’d like to apologize to my teammates, coaches, the Cleveland Browns organization and our fans. I am very disappointed that the NFL and its hearing office didn’t exercise better discretion and judgment in my case. I would like to sincerely thank the people who have been incredibly supportive of me during this challenging time, including my family, my agent, my union, my legal team, and the Cleveland Browns staff,”

                                                                           Josh Gordon

Hmmmm….I don’t see the part where he acknowledges his dumb actions and takes responsibilities for his mistakes, past and present. Josh Gordon has been pulling this baby like act for his whole football career.

Gordon smoked marijuana in high school, got suspended for it in college, switched teams because of his drug use and is now getting suspended for an entire year, but still manages TO FIND THE BALLS to pretty much say “Hey wasn’t my fault,”.

I hope Josh Gordon never plays another snap in football ever again. Gordon simply doesn’t deserve it. Sure he put up great numbers last season (missing a pair of games for drug use again), but it doesn’t matter. This is a man (a grown man and not a child) who simply doesn’t get it.

I don’t think this suspension will solve anything. Yes, it would be nice if he has a Cris Carter type of awakening, but I doubt it. I am closing the door on Gordon. Last season Gordon might’ve put himself into the elite category of receivers (ever more impressive because he is a member of the Browns), but it doesn’t amount for a thing right now. The league suspended him without blinking and they had the right too.

The NFL will find a new star quickly, like they always do, and put the memory of Gordon in the rear view mirror. Hopefully, the next football prospect will think twice about smoking marijuana or doing any type of illegal substance. Maybe Gordon’s dumb, selfish actions will actually save a young player’s career.

No one player is above the might of the NFL shield. The league does a great job at protecting its brand and boots out players that violate their code of conduct. Gordon will most likely find himself playing again next season. He is too great a talent to not be employed by some desperate team, but one puff of smoke and he is back to watching the games at home.

Joe Reyes

 

Amare Stoudemire: In The Moment

I am a huge Stoudemire fan. I thought he was on pace for a Hall of Fame career, but I’m pretty sure the rest of his time in basketball will be plagued by injuries and marginal teams signing him. After a nagging back injury a few years back, Stoudemire hasn’t been 100% since.

Netflix features a very interesting documentary about Stoudemire and his road to recovery. But again, I feel that it will be all for nothing. When Stoudemire left the Phoenix Sun, he became the main man on the New York Knicks. Stoudemire was even having an MVP season in his first year with the Knicks.

The documentary shows Stoudemire’s training with Hall of Fame Center Hakeem Olajuwon. Most of Olajuwon’s game is faking defenders out with his footwork and scoring mostly uncontested. Olajuwon has basketball camps for NBA players and shows them how to play like he does.

Olajuwon showed Stoudemire over a dozen different moves and combinations. Stoudemire learned them all perfectly…..in the gym….with Olajuwon….not in a real game. In a real game Stoudemire is reduced to a 20 minute player a game. In the remaining years of his career I can see him being a 8 point scorer and grabbing maybe 7 rebounds a game. Not bad stats, but Stoudemire is getting paid way too much to be a bench player who comes in sparingly.

Stoudemire will never be at an All Star caliber again, but this was still an interesting documentary to check out. I give it a 5/5 for its insight into Stoudemire’s life and it does show a lot of his road to recovery. Even though I know it’s a futile effort, still a good watch.

Joe Reyes

Check me out on Twitter for more sports and articles @jreyes0003

 

 

Le’s Moron-ables

It’s amazing of how dump most NFL players are these days. Both Steelers running backs, Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount, were arrested last night for marijuana possession…..really don’t know where to go with this. After seeing how Josh Gordon is going to be suspended for the entire season, wouldn’t NFL players make sure they have their addictions in check? Maybe not carry it around on you? No, because that would make too much sense.

I actually believed in the Steelers running game this season. The addition of Blount gave them a speedy guy and a hard hitting guy. A very good one two punch on offense. There might be a suspension, which is the last thing this team needs. The Steelers are on a very steep decline and even the littlest suspension could set the team back a few games.

The Steelers need a fully staffed roster in order to compete in their division. Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount might have just cost the team a playoff berth. It might sound silly, but when you don’t have your number 1 and number 2 running backs, it gets hard to run the football. This causes Big Ben to throw more passes and with the departure of Sanders to Denver, there aren’t many players ready to make the big play.

Joe Reyes